At the beginning of each year as people all over the world made their New Years Resolution and created their vision boards I began to reflect on my life. This year instead of being consumed with thoughts of career goals, weight loss, and savings I thought about relationships. 2019 was the definition of transition in my life. I changed careers, started this blog, and the various relationships in my life.

Relationship- (noun) the way in which two or more concepts, objects, or people are connected, or the state of being connected.

Oxford Dictionary

When I read the definition of relationship and reflected on the various individuals that have been uniquely weaved into my life I got stuck on the word connected. So many times we as humans cling to relationships with mates and friends that are void of connection. As I laid in my bed silently meditating and then abruptly getting lost in my thoughts I drew a mental picture of all the connections I had truly made over my 29 years of life. Should I still be texting this guy, should I schedule a dinner date with her, have I grown apart from them is all I could hear in my head. Then I had to make the tough decisions that everybody has to at one point in their life with any intimate relationship romantic in nature or not. I asked myself if it was time to build or to move on with each person I had a relationship with, and you need to do the same! I decided that this year, my feelings mattered, my desires mattered, that I mattered!

Connected- (adj.) brought together or into contact so that a real or notional link is established

Oxford Dictionary

Recently I read a blog about how adult friendships were so much harder to upkeep as you get older and how you needed to have these different types of friends. I’ll agree that adult relationships can become more difficult to maintain as you have more things to balance, but I felt some way (not a good way) about the different types of friends. To me friendships are something sacred and it doesn’t matter if we only chat on the phone once a month like me and my bestie, meet up to travel like me and my girl Ci, just have drinks out on the town or meet only at the gym; my friends all have the same distinct characteristics.

• Transparency- Romantic or platonic there is a clear level of transparency I need in every relationship. I must be able to reveal the real me and you must show me the real you even if we only meet for drinks every other Friday, once a year during the holidays, or chill every week at the house.
• Empathy- if anybody should understand how you feel or just being able to comfort you during life rough patches it should be your friends or significant other.
• Support- I live for helping other reach their dreams so it is vital that each person I have an intimate relationship with can be apart of my support system pushing me to higher levels as I lift them up
• Joy- relationships can be tough but please let them be overwhelmingly filled with fun, laughter, and excitement. The right people will have you allow you to experience joy in any occasion being an expensive vacation or free walk around the neighborhood.

I know every person I have been connected with probably hasn’t had all of these qualities and you may be saying the same. Today I am committed to only nurturing relationships that have transparency, empathy, support, and joy. This means that I may have to walk away from some long-standing toxic interactions that I called friendship or look past a disagreement to mend a friendship that should have never been broken. You may think having levels of friendship will help you better navigate adult relationships but having boundaries and standards may help you more. Let’s all just decide to be good stewards of the people we choose to do life with -Jaz